It’s 2020! I’m thrilled (and a little nervous) to kick the new decade off with a personal blog post. Usually, I talk about makeup, products, food and etc. However, I’m ready to dig a little deeper, be vulnerable and share an update on me, myself and I.
Let’s begin with a 2019 recap: 2019 was quite the low year for me. I loved, I lost and everything in between. I internally watched my emotions break and my confidence shatter. How did I lose so much control? After traveling in a downwards spiral, seemingly never ending, I picked myself up. I decided to put myself out there over the summer. Well, summer was bittersweet to say the least. Highs and lows. Great memories, rejection and hurt feelings. Summer went by in a flash, taking with it my new found hopefulness. I found myself right back to square one. I concluded it was time to take control and focus on me. I had to support myself, not ONLY looking for that support from others. How would I do this? By taking back control of my health…something I dropped the ball on big time.
I’ve always struggled with anxiety/stress eating. I know many people reading this will be able to relate. I gave into the anxiety and stress, which resulted in a loss of motivation to take care of myself. Sure, my skincare routine was still on point..gosh do I wish a sheet mask solved all of life’s issues. Anyways, my (amazing) Dad and I decided to embark on this “health” journey together in October. With professional guidance and medical monitoring, I started a program to kickstart my goals, while also taking back the reigns of my life.
As October ended, Thanksgiving came and went. All of a sudden…it was the holiday season! Something I had mixed feelings about this year. I was absolutely shocked at how far I had come in so little time. In total, I’m down 28 pounds. I’m fitting into smaller sizes, and actually have enjoyed shopping for clothes. These monumental changes occurred in under 3 months. To be exact, 2 months and 3 weeks. My mind was blown. I never thought I’d be capable of achieving this. I finally started to feel better about myself in every aspect of life.
Listen, I won’t lie to you. This program has been insanely difficult. It has truly tested my limits. I continuously was sick from the lifestyle changes, my body didn’t take the no sugar/carbs thing very well. One day, I rushed myself to urgent care during my lunch break because I was so sick at work. Side note: I’m completely healthy and professionally monitored…so anyone who might be concerned I’m hurting myself through this diet, trust me, I’m not. I’m learning to manage it everyday. I constantly, and correctly, keep my body fueled as well as hydrated.
I still have a very long way to go, and I’m sure I’ll provide more updates in the future. What I want to make clear is that I am SO proud of myself…I NEVER say i’m proud of myself. I’ve always been my own worst enemy, who’s frankly not very nice. My 2020 resolution was to be nicer to myself and less critical. Probably a work in progress for the rest of my life. I may not be living the way I thought I’d be, and there may be so many things I’d like to change. But isn’t that what it’s all about? Smoothing out the bumps in the road to become the best version of you? I don’t fully LOVE where I’m at, but I’m getting there.
Going into the new year healthier and feeling better about myself, has honestly been life changing. I find myself less negative, and have learned to appreciate my body more than I ever have. I push myself to the limits at the gym, and boy does that feel incredible. Again, not a bodybuilder or even super-toned by any means. I’m not saying I know the best way to be healthy, or the best way to live life. My point is, I’m healthy and on the road to happiness. My advice to anyone who feels lost, check in on yourself from time to time. It’s NOT selfish.
So 2020, yeah, not sure what it holds for me. What I do know is that I found my inner strength to let myself be unapologetically me. I do know I have a family who loves me. I do know I have a job that treats me well and appreciates me. I do know I have all the love to give, especially now that I have begun to love myself. To quote a very impressionable person to me, Selena Gomez in her new song “Rare”… “I don’t have it all, I’m not claiming to, but I know that I’m special”.
Thank you for reading!